Show me how big your brave is
I had a long day at work yesterday.It was one of those days that feels like it could easily be a week. I got home at quarter to 7 and plopped face first into my pillows. All I wanted for the rest of the night was to be allowed to not move. It was dark out, it was less than 50 degrees, and I was perfectly happy with the prospect of cuddling with Netflix and a mountain of blankets.
My phone alarm went off telling me I was an hour overdue for the run I had scheduled. And while I wanted to turn off my phone and continue hiding under my covers, I reminded myself of all the promises I made myself, and you Fat Nerds, and put on my running clothes and sneakers.
I just finished my second week of the Couch to 5k program. It is still mostly walking, and the longest stretches of running are only a minute and a half, but I haven’t yet had a run that I hated. I haven’t had that very familiar voice in my head telling me I couldn’t do it. During the last run interval last night, I sprinted and I actually burst out into a very large smile, one that was probably pretty embarrassing, and would make no sense to a passerby. I almost started laughing like a crazy person, just at the realization that I was actually doing something. I pushed away all of the self-defeatist nonsense that usually holds me back and I got an amazing feeling. It was probably just adrenaline, but I really felt like I could do this, for the first time.
This is kind of sad, but I think this is the longest stretch I have gone since the conception of this blog on a single plan. I haven’t lied to myself or bargained for more time and I haven’t rationalized skipping workouts. I haven’t been obsessed with the number on the scale, and I haven’t felt the urge to give up. I am, in every way, the boy who cried wolf when it comes to self-improvement.. I mostly just like planning things. But something about right now feels different. I might just be exactly where I need to be to make big changes. I am so pleased with most aspects of my life, and being in shape is the one thing holding me back from being my absolute best. I am invigorated at the thought of succeeding this time. There is no part of me that is resisting or in danger of bailing. I feel powerful.